Do masks work? Think glitter and farts

Look, the whole mask debate is stupid.

Masks WORK, but they also DON’T. This is a virus in the air. If you’re wearing a mask, it prevents you from sneezing in someone’s face. They can’t sneeze in yours. That’s a great big reduction in viral load! Hooray!

Masks are one huge step in slowing down the spread of disease.

However, if you get into an elevator with three people who have Covid and you’re wearing a cloth mask, you’re probably going to get sick.

“Everyone I know who got Covid wore a mask!”

Yeah, that’s true. Because masks cut your risk down, and if you work in a grocery store and you’re around people all day long, you might only be getting sick now instead of back in March. Masks slow down the risk and spread it out. Lots of people who might have gotten sick have avoided it because they’re been wearing masks.

But lots of people are going out and eating in restaurants and going to bars because they have a mask on and they feel safe.

That’s not how this works.

Think about farts. If you’re around someone who has terrible farts, yeah, you want them to be wearing underwear and pants. I mean, who wants to be around a person who farts without cloth to slow it down??

But you still don’t want to get into an elevator with a farter.

You don’t want to stand next to them. And even if you’re wearing a cloth mask, you’ll still smell the farts.

You need to stand far away from them. They need to stand far away from you. And the elevator will still smell like farts for the next person who gets in!

If you know that lots of people in your area are farting and that the farts could make you sick enough to die, and that you’d end up farting and making other people sick, you wouldn’t just wear a mask to keep the farts out.

You’d stay far, far away from everyone’s butt. And you’d wear a mask if you absolutely had to be around butts.

Would you go to a restaurant and take off your mask to eat if you knew that the people at the next table were farting and it got in your mouth you’d be a farter, too?

There’s an idea on the internet that’s worth thinking about, too: Think about the virus as if it were glitter. If there are ten married men at a strip club on payday, and there are five dancers, and one dancer has body glitter all over her, how many wives are going to be mad the next day?

Think glitter and farts.

Masks help. You should wear them.

You should also just stay the hell away from strip clubs and crowded elevators.

I’m a writer, homeschooler and cat-herder extraordinaire. I am passionate about clean food, dirty politics, thoughtful parenting, homeschooling and travel.

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